It feels so surreal to be sitting at my desk in my new home as I write. Husband and baby asleep on the couch, a rerun of The Office playing in the background, Moe pup curled up on the rug at the foot of the couch, and a blank page before me with a blinking cursor.
So much has happened in the past month. Sam and I had our first adventure of a vacation. We closed on our home and moved once again. We celebrated Father’s day at my parents’ house, where our newest addition Noble pup attempted to play with my dad’s chickens. Let’s just go on the record and say that Noble was a bit over zealous and the chickens a bit traumatized, but everyone made it out alive. We have also officially transitioned to being South Carolinians; it was bittersweet as we officially handed over all that remained of our Tennessee residency.
I am not going to lie, I have wanted to throw all of our things away multiple times in the past few weeks as I have attempted to unpack, organize, and settle into a routine. While this desire has fueled a necessary trip or two to the local Goodwill donation center, it has also been a reminder to keep things simple. For far too long I have prized overexertion and complication, as though those elements somehow make me a better, deeper, more intellectual and capable person. I have believed that being worn to the bone, exhausted, and spread thin indicates that I am truly living life to the fullest, giving my best, and earning my keep so to speak. While it is good to work hard, good to experience the kind of fatigue that lets you know you played your heart out, and good to be engaged in the world around you, I think it is easy for me to take that to an unhealthy extreme. Deep within me is a desire to rest without feeling lazy, to be productive without being predominated, and to be present in each moment, interaction, and conversation. If only this came more natural to me!
In other news, it has been so great to see Sammy embrace this space as his own. He is a wild man with go-go gadget arms that can knock over just about anything in a split second. He has started to walk a bit, but still prefers to crawl as his quickest mode of transportation. His scuffed up knees testify to his many adventures around the house. We have done some more creative child-proofing, purchased a baby gate, and successfully transitioned to separate rooms. He is even gracing us with a full night’s rest a few times a week! The favorite part of my day is when I get him up in the morning. His chubby cheeks, askew curls, and sleepy blue eyes poke over the crib railing, becoming even more cuter when he smiles around his pacifier. He stretches out on the changing table, poking out his belly as far as it will go, and gives the most adorable sigh you’ve ever heard. He wants to be one of the puppies, and they have fully embraced him into the pack. He loves to yell, throw his food on the floor, and chase me babbling, “MaaMaaMaa” when he wants my attention. I want to squeeze him more, but he is too cool to snuggle with Mom these days. In those rare, sweet moments where he puts his head on my chest, kisses my cheek (which really looks more like he is trying to eat my face), and wraps his arms around me, I melt.
I apologize for how scatter brained this post has been. I am so overwhelmed, but mostly with thankfulness. For this season, for this life, for my sweet family on this sleepy Sunday afternoon. There is still much to be done, and my to-do list will always exist, but I really hope that it defines my worth and determines my days less and less. I also hope I get to participate in more family naps in the coming weeks!
Wherever you are, whatever this season of life has held for you, I hope that today you know how loved you are by Holy God.